Aging + Dying

Moving closer to my 70th birthday this August, I’ve been reexamining my beliefs about life and death, what my fears are, and what I want with this last part of my life as a Full Elder – or Crone. Over the past few months, I’ve moved through most of my feelings about appearance and needing to do things differently, whether more gently or expanding them. While reading Sue Monk Kidd’s book, “Traveling with Pomegranates”, some of what she says about her own feelings on aging and death were uncomfortably familiar to me. I began focusing on being in the present moment and accepting the stage of life I’m in as well as reviewing all my previous stages but now with the eyes of an Elder. But there were still those lingering concerns and fears about dying: when, how, where, how will my family respond to my passing, etc. I began to review each of those fears and saw clearly how much I was futurizing and “past-urizing” and not just being here now. A blessed shift arrived yesterday in meditation when I suddenly heard from within: “It will be what it will be.” I felt something run through my entire being like fresh water being poured into and then out of me. I felt a complete freedom from fear of aging and dying, no longer caught in the web of worry and imagining negative scenarios. I don’t know when or how I will die, but now I believe it will be perfect.